The Words shared by A Parent Which Rescued Me when I became a New Parent

"I believe I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a healthy space. You require some help. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a broader reluctance to talk among men, who often internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a display of being weak to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a break - taking a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a family member, your other half or a professional what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."